Last October, my computer crashed and I lost everything – my contacts, my leadership development courseware, my records and all of my work in progress.  I don’t need to tell you that it was devastating, I’m sure you can imagine.  Losing everything I had worked hard to build and create over the years – the basis for my business and the source of my livelihood – felt a lot like losing a limb, or some other similarly significant extension of myself. 

I was not alone in dealing with this feeling.  In the last quarter of 2008 barely a day went by that I didn’t hear about someone’s significant loss.  One friend got laid off from her job, filed for divorce, and had to put her mother in a nursing home all in the same week.  Another friend dealt with the death of both his mother and his mother-in-law in a 2 week period.  An old friend I just saw for the first time in years at a high school reunion was tragically killed in a car accident just last week.  And while I don’t personally know anyone who invested with Madoff, everyone I know is dealing with their own modified version of financial loss every time they think about whether or not they’ll ever be able to quit their day job.  I mean seriously, even Oprah was depressed.  That’s never a good sign.

One minute it’s there.  The next second it’s gone.  That pretty much sums up the latter part of 2008 for me. 

Please, won’t you be my neighbor?

The dismal nature of it all has had me longing for the comfort of a trusted old friend – like Mister Rogers perhaps.  I imagine if he were with us today he would come in the front door, take off his coat and wingtips, put on his cardigan and slippers and say to us all “The word for the day is resilience.  Can you say resilience?”

Resilience is by definition the ability to quickly recover from setbacks, and heaven knows there were plenty of those last year.  But a new year is always a good time to take stock of where we are, how we got there, and how we can keep on track.  In 2009, I think it’s time we figure out how to get our bounce back.  Because if we don’t change anything after this past year, how will we keep it from happening again? 

So from a little bit of research and a lot of living through personal experiences, here are my recommendations,

Get Your Bounce Back

Acknowledge.
There is no way to calibrate the significance of someone’s sense of loss.  We seem to believe we have to think of things in terms of how it compares to others.  We tell ourselves “It could be worse.”  “At least I have my (fill in the blank.)” 

Somewhere along the way we bought into the idea that when something bad happens we are supposed to put on our big boy pants and just deal with it.  You know what?  It really doesn’t matter how one person’s sense of loss compares with another’s.  Don’t judge what you are feeling, just let it flow. 

Let me make it easier.  If something happens that leaves you feeling like you got kicked in the stomach, or like the wind got sucked out of your chest, or like you are dizzy from someone spinning you in circles and you don’t know which direction is up, acknowledge it.  Feel the ebb and flow – every last piece of it.  And then take a deep breath and let it go.  You’re entitled to that.  No wallowing, no pity-parties, but a healthy and honest acknowledgment of what you are experiencing.

How are you feeling?

Regroup.
When I’m going through a difficult situation and needing a different perspective, I often find myself rearranging my furniture.  I’m not recommending this for everyone; I’m sure it drives my husband crazy.  But there is something about recreating my environment that helps me see situations in a new and fresh light.

I truly believe there is something to be learned in every one of life’s trials. 

Start by considering what thoughts you have had that you’ve ignored, or perhaps what your gut has been telling you that you haven’t bothered to listen to.  Sometimes tragic circumstances bring a louder version of a reminder that has been haunting us for a while. 

What direction are you heading?

Diversify.
Investment advisers are always telling us that it’s a good idea to put our savings in a variety of funds to mitigate our financial risk.  I think the same recommendation holds true to how we invest our time and energy:  we should invest it in a variety of activities and people to maximize the value of our life experience and minimize the risk of feeling an exaggerated sense of loss when one "fund" is depleted.

Trust me, as a (still) recovering co-dependent, I can tell you it’s not a good idea to pin all of your hopes and dreams and identity on one other human being…or job…or any other single person or thing outside of yourself for that matter.

We wrap our identities in external labels and roles and in the process end up limiting our potential.  And then, when something inevitably happens that strips these labels or roles from us we are left exposed and vulnerable asking “Now what?”

It’s always easier to get through tough times when you have a solid foundation of friends and/or family to remind you of your greatness.  It’s always easier when we define ourselves by a multitude of roles, talents, interests and skills.  It only makes sense that having more and deeper roots will help us keep our balance – regardless of how many times the rug is pulled out from under us.

Building that foundation requires your time and energy and authenticity in good times and in bad.  Life offers a rich and rewarding experience if you let it.  Make it multi-dimensional.

How do you define yourself?

Hope.
The single greatest factor contributing to our ability to bounce back is the faith and hope that things will get better.

Hope is what our founding fathers had when they wrote our constitution.  It’s what my great grandfather had when he rode across the country to his Oregon homestead.  It’s what parents have for their children when they send them off to school.  It’s what my brother has each time he sends out his resume.  It’s what Obama offered us in his campaign.  It’s why we get out of bed in the morning.

Hope is not denying reality, but owning reality and believing that it can change for the better.  Hope is founded in our dreams and passions and in taking responsibility for the changes we are personally being called to make.  If we learned anything from Obama’s campaign it should be that if you are pursuing your dreams, significant change is possible.  We are being invited to believe.

Just because your dream isn’t as bold as Obama’s doesn’t make it any less vital to the fabric of our success – as a Nation or as a human race.  We need them all.

What do you need to say “Yes, we can!” to?

It’s time to bounce
The good news is that even though my laptop is still on the fritz, I’ve recovered most of my content, and I now have a backup system in place.  I did permanently lose all my email and contacts, so if you haven’t heard from me in a while, I probably don’t know how to get in touch with you.  Drop me a note; I’ll bounce you back.

Until then, cheers to you for a rich, rewarding, safe and hope-filled 2009.